The end of the chapter

On Friday I went to a sergeon to have my port removed. In some ways,  this feels like an end to the cancer chapter in the book of my life.  I'm sure that these events will continue to affect my future,  but in most ways I feel like my life is returning to normal.

Our temple President spoke in stale conference last week and shared a quote that has sick with me.  Something like this,  "too heal is to rid from disease, to cure is to make whole." I'm grateful for the miracle of being disease free,  but also that my life is being restored to me.  My job,  my health,  the ability to spend time with friends and family doing things that I enjoy.  I am also grateful that I can be a help to my wife and not just one more Preston for her to take care of.

When I was in the midst of crisis,  I really felt that heavenly father was sustaining me.  Now that I'm on the other side of it,  I don't feel that strength to the same degree.  I feel like God gave me a bright light to see by in my darkest hour and now he his holding back a little too see what I will do.  I want to keep walling forward and holding on to the feelings that I have experienced.

3 years old!

It's been three years since my stem cell plant. I'm still alive! I'M STILL ALIVE! It's fading in my memory. I still think about it almost every day. It doesn't seem as immediate. I know cancer will always be a threat. I think I'll be lucky to see 65. But I think I can be confident about the next 10 to 15 years. That's kind of depressing, I don't think about it too often.

Peter just turned four this week. I was worried that if I died, he wouldn't have any memories of me. I am so grateful to be with Christina and my children. I'm so grateful that my recovery has been so strong. I feel more healthy than I did before my transplant. Because I'm not having episodes of vomiting that last for hours.

Life is so fragile. Love is so important. Families are forever. Being kind is more important than being right.

We went camping at La Wis Wis near Mt. Rainier last month. It was a great campout. We were with the Jacks and Phil and Mike's families. We hiked up a stream near the campground and found a little waterfall that emptied into a hollow in the rock. The hollow was about 10' x 6' with a deep pool. I'd guess around 12' deep. We were sliding down the rock into the pool. The water was cold! I lost my wedding ring while swimming out. I'd pretty much given up on seeing it again, but Brian (Jacks) went back last weekend with his brother and some diving gear and retrieved it. He loves adventure!

There is a spot in the river at the campground called the Blue Hole. It's very deep at one point and lined with a cliff on one side. I've been telling myself all year that I'd jump from the highest point on the cliff. It's probably close to 30 feet. I did it! Again- COLD!
Video: Cliff jumping at the Blue Hole

We dropped Megan off at BYU-I ten days ago. I miss my daughter. I'm glad we went together as a family to Rexburg. It was good to spend time all together. When we visited the campus I felt that it was the right place for her to be. I know it's time for her to move on to the next stage in her life. She's the same age I was when I left for my mission. I'm glad that we can call her and text her often. She's a ways away, but still connected to our family.

Christina pointed out that we're sort of at the top of the hill with our children. We've spent the last nineteen years bringing them into the world and raising them. One by one they've come into our home and one by one they'll begin leaving.

Is time still linear for Celestial beings? Is that what it means to have a perfect recollection? If time is never-ending, can we go back and re-experience things? Forever seems like an awful long time to live. Would we get bored after a few thousand years? Could we be born again only without our memories so that we could add new experiences to our consciousness?

Los frutos de la fe

 I was asked a few months ago to give a talk in the Spanish Branch in Benton City and I thought I'd put here on my blog to keep a record.

Los frutos de la fe

Crecí aquí en los Tri-Cities. He vivido en Kennewick, Pasco, y ya vivo en West Richland con mi familia y asistamos al barrio de Desert Hills. 

Ya hace 30 años desde que serví una misión en Guatemala.  

Al empezar la misión, me pareció imposible hacerlo. Me extrañé mucho a mi familia y la vida cómoda que tuve antes. 

Yo había estudiado español en la escuela secundaria. Y pasé dos meses en el entrenamiento misional para estudiar el idioma y la enseñanza del evangelio. Pensé que cuando llegara a Guatemala, podría comunicarme con la gente. Por lo menos, pensé que entendería las frases básicas.

Esto no es lo que me pasó al llegar a Guatemala. El presidente de la misión me dio un compañero y me mandó a la ciudad de Zacapa. Durante el viaje a mi primera área, intenté hablar con los pasajeros próximos. No les pude entender para nada. Ni podía separar las palabras el uno del otro en mi mente. Tal vez algunos de ustedes han tenido experiencias similares. 

Poco a poco me acostumbre

Poco a poco aprendí el idioma. Primero pude entender a otros, luego pude hablar. Y después de un rato, pude pensar en español.

Tuve experiencias maravillosas al enseñar el evangelio de Jesucristo. Llegue a conocer y amar la gente y disfrutar en mis experiencias misionales. 

Lo que era muy difícil al principio llegó a ser un placer y consideré la misión como un privilegio y no como una carga pesada.

Así son las experiencias de la vida. Cuando tenemos fe y seguimos adelante con esta fe, alcanzamos los frutos buenos que nuestro Padre Celestial espera darnos. Yo se que El tiene muchas bendiciones reservadas para nosotros cuando tenemos fe en su plan para nosotros y hagamos nuestra parte.

Se habla de los frutos muchas veces en las escrituras. En cada caso, los frutos representan los resultados de tener fe en el Señor y las acciones buenas que acompañan esta fe. 

En el Libro de Mormon, el profeta Alma comparó el conocimiento del evangelio a una semilla que se planta con fe en el corazón. Y después de ver que la semilla crece, se verá que

Debe ser que esta es una semilla buena, o que la palabra es buena, porque empieza a ensanchar mi alma; sí, empieza a iluminar mi entendimiento; sí, empieza a ser deliciosa para mí.

32 Por tanto, si una semilla crece, es semilla buena; pero si no crece, he aquí que no es buena; por lo tanto, es desechada.

33 Y he aquí, por haber probado el experimento y sembrado la semilla, y porque esta se hincha, y brota, y empieza a crecer, sabéis por fuerza que la semilla es buena.

He visto este principio en mi vida. Es maravilloso ver que cuando aceptamos la palabra de Dios, y cuando lo ponemos en nuestros corazones como acto de fe, podemos ver por los frutos en nuestras vidas que la palabra de Dios es verdadera. El evangelio nos da conocimiento que enriquece y hace mejor nuestras vidas. El conocimiento de que Dios es el padre de nuestros espíritus y que nos creó en su imagen es grandísimo. Que el nos ama como un padre ama a sus hijos es bonito saber. Que Jesucristo hizo la expiación y conquistó la muerte y el pecado para que podamos ser santificados es fruto bueno. Que tenemos un profeta quien nos hace saber la voluntad de Dios para nosotros en hoy día es conocimiento glorioso. Llegamos a tener testimonio de estos principios cuanto los probamos en nuestras vidas. Al vivir de acuerdo de este conocimiento, vemos las bendiciones de Dios y crecemos en la fe. 

El ganar testimonio de estas cosas vale la pena. Pero a veces es difícil.

Hay tiempos en la vida cuando estamos probados. Hay tiempos cuando es difícil mantener la fe. Tiempos cuando tenemos que ir adelante con paciencia aun cuando nos es difícil encontrar esta paciencia. Tal vez haya pasado un rato desde que ha sentido el amor de Dios en su vida. Es posible que lo que parecía claro hace tiempo está oscuro. Que haremos en este caso?

Quiero compartir una historia que mi Padre compartía conmigo cuando era joven. Tiene que ver con la fruta.

El grosellero

Hay en Canadá un arbusto que da fruta que se llama el grosellero. Elder Hugh B. Brown contó una historia de su arbusto y el dijo:

Salí una mañana y encontré un grosellero de al menos dos metros de altura. Sabía que se estaba convirtiendo en madera. No había ni rastro de flores ni de frutos… Así que cogí mis tijeras de podar y me puse a trabajar en ese grosellero. Lo podé, lo corté y lo talé hasta que no quedó nada más que un pequeño grupo de tocones.

Y mientras los miraba, cedí a un impulso, que a menudo tengo, de hablar con seres inanimados y que me hablen. … Al mirar ese pequeño grupo de tocones, parecía haber una lágrima en cada uno, y dije: "¿Qué te pasa, grosellero? ¿Por qué lloras?".

Y creí oír hablar a ese grosellero. Parecía decir: "¿Cómo pudiste hacerme esto? Estaba creciendo tan maravillosamente. Era casi tan grande como el árbol frutal y el árbol de sombra, y ahora me has cortado. Y todos en el jardín me mirarán con desprecio y lástima. ¿Cómo pudiste hacerlo? Creí que eras el jardinero".

Creí oír eso del grosellero. Lo pensé tanto que le respondí.

Dije: "Mira, pequeño grosellero, yo soy el jardinero y sé lo que quiero que seas. Si te dejo ir por donde quieres ir, nunca llegarás a nada. Pero algún día, cuando estés cargado de fruta, recordarás y dirás: "Gracias, Sr. Jardinero, por cortarme, por amarme lo suficiente como para hacerme daño".

Hermanos y hermanas, yo se que Dios tiene en mente una visión de lo mejor que yo pueda llegar a ser. Y él tiene un plan para ayudarme a convertirme en la mejor versión de mi.

A veces no sentimos el gran amor que nuestro padre nos tiene. A veces tenemos desafios que son muy difíciles de superar. Recordemos que esas pruebas nos pasan para nuestro bien. Que son parte del plan que el Senor tiene para que crezcamos y lleguemos a ser lo que podemos ser.

Al graduarme de la universidad, yo tenía esperanza en encontrar trabajo que apoyara a mi familia. No había mucho trabajo en el sujeto en que me había especializado. En ese tiempo, teníamos 4 hijos y a pesar de que no quería hacerlo, tuvimos que mudarnos a la casa con mis suegros. 

No pude ver los frutos de mis estudios en la universidad. Al orar, no sentí que recibí una respuesta en cuanto a lo que debería hacer para mejorar mi trabajo. Pasé mucho tiempo en esta situación. Esperé las bendiciones del Señor pero no aparecieron. Pero me acorde de las respuestas a las oraciones que recibí en otros tiempos y continúe teniendo fe en mi Padre Celestial. 

Eventualmente encontré trabajo satisfecho para que pudiéramos comprar una casa propia. Vi que fue un trabajo casi perfecto para que yo podría desarrollar los talentos que tengo. Yo se que fue una bendición de Dios que obtuve este trabajo y lo considero uno de los milagros que he tenido el privilegio de ver en mi vida. 

Pero por alguna razón, Dios me permitió pasar por un tiempo de duda. Ahora veo los frutos de esta experiencia. Aprendí a ser paciente en esperar a las bendiciones del Señor. Aprendí a seguir adelante aun cuando no tenía conocimiento del paso enfrente de mi. Crecio mi fe.

El arbol de la vida

Quiero hablarles de la visión que tuvo el profeta Lehi en el Libro de Mormon. Este visión también tiene que ver con los frutos. El relato su visión a sus hijos, contándoles:

8 Y después de haber caminado en la oscuridad por el espacio de muchas horas, empecé a implorarle al Señor que tuviera misericordia de mí, de acuerdo con la multitud de sus tiernas misericordias.

Lehi dice que caminó en la oscuridad por muchas horas. ¿Alguna vez han sentido que caminaran en la oscuridad? Que no podrian ver a su destino? En estas horas deseamos la luz. Deseamos tener conocimiento que todo saldrá bien. Tal vez estén preocupados por sus hijos. Tal vez tienen inquietudes sobre tener dinero suficiente para sus necesidades. Quizás están preocupados por un error que hayan hecho, o un error de uno de sus seres queridos.

Lehi continua su historia

Y aconteció que después de haber orado al Señor, vi un campo grande y espacioso.

10 Y sucedió que vi un árbol cuyo fruto era deseable para hacer a uno feliz.

11 Y aconteció que me adelanté y comí de su fruto; y percibí que era de lo más dulce, superior a todo cuanto yo había probado antes. Sí, y vi que su fruto era blanco, y excedía a toda blancura que yo jamás hubiera visto.

12 Y al comer de su fruto, mi alma se llenó de un gozo inmenso; por lo que deseé que participara también de él mi familia, pues sabía que su fruto era preferible a todos los demás.

Después de la prueba de la fe, viene la luz y las bendiciones del Señor. 

¿Por qué quiere Dios que crezcamos en la fe? Porque la fe nos da el poder de tener el espíritu con nosotros. La fe nos anima a vivir de acuerdo con los mandamientos de Dios. Es por la fe que vemos los milagros de Dios en nuestras vidas. 

En el libro de Mormon, el profeta Moroni nos ensena:

Moroni 7:32 Y obrando de este modo, el Señor Dios prepara la senda para que el resto de los hombres tengan fe en Cristo, a fin de que el Espíritu Santo tenga cabida en sus corazones, según su poder; y de este modo el Padre lleva a efecto los convenios que ha hecho con los hijos de los hombres.

33 Y Cristo ha dicho: Si tenéis fe en mí, tendréis poder para hacer cualquier cosa que me sea conveniente.

Nos recordamos que el fruto del árbol que Lehi comió y disfruto en su visión representa el amor de Dios y la vida eterna con El. Representa la última destinación en nuestro viaje por la vida y nuestra meta. Es la oportunidad de estar en la presencia de nuestro Padre Celestial por toda la eternidad, con nuestras familias y amigos justos. Podremos participar en la obra de Dios y llegar a conocerlo como pariente en verdad. No hay regalo más grande que pudiéramos recibir. Es el fruto del evangelio

Se que Jesus es nuestro salvador. El nos quiere y nos ayudará y nos apoyara en todas las circunstancias de la vida si tenemos fe y hacemos lo que nos pide. Y veremos los milagros que siguen la fe en Cristo y recibiremos los frutos del vivir de acuerdo con el evangelio. 

2018 Highlights

Books

George Washington's Secret Six: The Spy Ring that Saved the American Revolution (Brian Kilmeade)

Espionage is always interesting and I had no idea that it played an important role in the Revolution.

Andrew Jackson and the Miracle of New Orleans: The Battle That Shaped America's Destiny ( (Brian Kilmeade and Don Yaeger)

An interesting book about Jackson as a military strategist. He outwitted a superior British force at a crucial moment in the war of 1812.

The Lost City of the Monkey God: A True Story (Douglas Preston)

The story of a centuries-long search for a lost city in the rainforest of Honduras and the mystery of the disappearance of the original inhabitants.

The Boys in the Boat: Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics (Daniel James Brown)

This is the story of a rowing crew from the University of Washington during the Great Depression. It's a great historical snapshot, the real-life characters are interesting, and the descriptions of their training and races pulled me in. 

The Long Walk: The True Story of a Trek to Freedom (Sławomir Rawicz)

This is the story of a group of prisoners in a Siberian internment camp in Russia during WW2. They escape and walk south through the Gobe desert, the Himalayas, and finally to the British colony in India. It is an amazing story of ingenuity, survival, and persistance.

Oathbreaker, Book 3 in the Stormlight Archive (Brandon Sanderson)

For me, Sanderson has brought new life to the fantasy genre which I had felt was getting tired. The world and magic he creates are fresh and new. The characters have moments of tragedy and triumph that make them very compelling. My favorite author right now.

Music

I saw the Punch Brothers with my daughter at the Bing in Spokane last summer. It was flat out the best concert I've ever experienced. Every song was amazing. The acoustics were amazing. I liked the band before, but this converted me to a fan. This isn't the same show, but the setlist is similar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWCH_h8SEuo&t=5469s. If you only have time to check out one song, try My Oh My.

About Christina

When I married Christina, I definitely felt like I was "marrying up." She is a woman of many talents and virtues. I'm happy for the chance to share a few of them with you.

Christina is very musical. In high school she was the drum major for the Pasco High marching band for her junior and senior years. She played the oboe, clarinet, flute and saxophone. She taught herself to play the piano and can play the hymns and primary songs. She has a beautiful voice and I love to hear her sing. 

Christina is a teacher. She has a talent for explaining things to our children, whether it be a gospel doctrine, historical event, or an algebra problem. She home-schooled our children for several years before taking some time off to help me heal.

Christina is a nurse. She's helped our children to deal with everything from broken bones to late nights with the flu. She's performed surgery to remove splinters and comforted infants after getting their immunizations. When we found out we'd need to go to Seattle for several months while I underwent a stem cell transplant, she insisted on coming to be by my side. Her courage and constant care were a great blessing to me. There were many days when I felt discouraged and depressed but Christina was always there to cheer me up and refill my hope-o-meter.

Christina is an accounting wizard. She has managed to keep us afloat through many years of schooling, through several years of self-employment, through eight pregnancies and births, and through our latest medical adventure with a stem cell transplant. 

Christina is a wonderful mother. When we were dating, she shared with me that this was her goal in life. Having eight children isn't easy, there are many times when we feel like perhaps we've bitten off more than we can chew. But we have a great family and really enjoy doing things together!

Christina is also an excellent cook, trip-planner, and home decorator. She is repulsed by seafood. She doesn't have a favorite color, but if pressed, she would probably say she likes white, off-white, cream, or yellow. After 19 years of marriage, she has developed a tolerance for black licorice and Led Zeppelin, though she would prefer anything vanilla and the soundtrack to a musical. She rarely has any free time, but when she does she enjoys sewing and reading.

I'm really glad to have Christina in my life!

Politics is a load of hooey

It turns out that members of my church are not fans of President Obama, as evidenced by his 18% approval rating in our membership. The lowest approval rating for any faith organization. Which is fine, I guess. But what bothers me is the vitriol that I hear against him from my fellow members.

For a church that has experienced it's fair share of persecution based on hyperbole and half-truth, we sure seem ready to dish it out to others. There are three attitudes that I see on my side that really bother me.

FAILURE OF GOODWILL

John Gardner, the secretary of health, education, and welfare under Lyndon B. Johnson gave a good definition of political extremism:

"Political extremism involves two prime ingredients: An excessively simple diagnosis of the world’s ills and a conviction that there are identifiable villains back of it all... Blind belief in one’s cause and a low view of the morality of other Americans–these seem mild failings. But they are the soil in which ranker weeds take root... terrorism, and the deep, destructive cleavages that paralyze a society." (John Gardner, No Easy Victories)

From 2001 through 2008, I was really bothered by all of the obvious hatred that the left felt for GW Bush. To me it felt like they were right there with him leading up to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but then as soon as things began to go south, they turned on him. And not just by way of disagreement or principle. It seemed to me that some of them took an almost devilish pleasure in calling him a liar and pointing out each little fault or stumble. They considered him too stupid to write a speech on his own, yet clever enough to trick them all into supporting his adventures in the middle east.

After President Obama was elected, I hoped that the right would take a higher road. That if my side disagreed with him, it would be for good policy, not because of a visceral dislike for the man. Nope. One of the first anti-Obama books that I saw was "the Obama Nation" by Jerome Corsi. Nice little play on words there, right? Obama-nation, abomination. Subtle. It reminded me of when some second-grade bullies at school thought it would be funny to call me "Contami-Nathan." Ha ha, never got old.

I was surprised at how quickly the far right was able to foment a distrust in and a hatred for President Obama. Not for his policies, but for him as a person. It was just like what the far left did to President Bush during his tenure. And what the right did to Clinton during his and the left did to Reagan during his and... do you see a pattern, here?

I'm all for political debate and disagreement, but doesn't this feel reminiscent of the anti-mormon attacks on Joseph Smith? Digging and prodding for any unsavory details while ignoring any good that he might have accomplished?

DISMISSING OPPOSING VIEWS AS INVALID

My dad gave me a recording several years ago by Hugh B. Brown. In the beginning, he addresses his audience of graduating BYU students with some political advice. "First, I’d like you to be reassured that the leaders of both major political parties in this land are men of integrity, and unquestioned patriotism. Beware of those who feel obliged to prove their own patriotism by calling into question the loyalty of others... Strive to develop a maturity of mind and emotion and a depth of spirit which will enable you to differ with others on matters of politics without calling into question the integrity of those with whom you differ. Allow within the bounds of your definition of religious orthodoxy variation of political belief... I’ve found by long experience that our two-party system is sound." (Hugh B. Brown, Profile of a Prophet)

I went into the Masters in Communication program at Eastern Washington University as a defender of the conservative faith. I often engaged with my professors and classmates in political debate. I emerged from my studies with my conservatism intact. But I had also gained a respect for my friends on the left that I didn't have before. I realized that they actually had many good arguments for their positions and that if I didn't see any validity to my opponents' point of view, then it really meant that I didn't understand that point of view very well.

PROPAGANDA AND THE RAH-RAH RIGHT

Talk radio. I ate this stuff up when I was in my twenties. All of the hosts are funny. It felt great to feel like I was part of a movement. To feel that there were millions of like-minded folks all over the country that were "in the know."

But in my thirties, I began to have a change of heart. One quote that President Hinckley gave has stuck with me. "Our generation is afflicted with critics in the media who think they do a great and clever thing in mercilessly attacking men and women in public office and in other positions of leadership. They are prone to take a line or a paragraph out of context and pursue their prey like a swarm of killer bees." Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something

I began to notice that most of the stories weren't about promoting the politics of the right but about denigrating the members of the left.

I also began to see how self-serving it all was for the talk show hosts. "Hey, i just came out with a new book. Hey, I'm coming to speak in your town. Hey, the democrats are attacking me again, they want to shut us down. Hey, I just hired a new private security guard- I'm really putting my life on the line to get this to you." Just a constant siege mentality. Always talking about broadcasting from bunkers and threats from our government (I know it's a joke, but really). The point is, the shows may be about politics, they may be about advancing the conservative agenda (whatever that is nowadays), they may have their sincere moments, but at their heart they are about promoting and sensationalizing the host.

I mostly listen to NPR now. Not because I agree with the politics of their hosts, but because I much prefer their tone of discussion and willingness to at least pretend to look at both sides of an issue.

So that's it. I'm not trying to change anyone's politics, but can we please be nice to each other?

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles

I have a friend at church who I think of as the grandfather of our ward. I admire him for his faith and knowledge of the gospel. I look forward to seeing his smile every week as he greets me. Today he asked me for an update on my life. He told me that he knows that I have had more miracles to share. So here goes.

This is a topic that has weighed heavily on me. I am so grateful for what God has done for me and my family. For the comfort He gave us during our ordeal. For the many friends He placed in our lives to love and support us. And yet, to be honest, it's hard to rejoice when I see so many others suffering through challenges of their own, where the outcome doesn't look as good. My sister-in-laws's dad is fighting ALS, a disease with no cure. Our families were friends as I was growing up, and I've known him since I was eight or so, and I know that it has been hard on her and her siblings to watch their father slowly degenerate.

Another family who was close to mine lost their mother several years back to cancer. She was almost like an aunt to me. She was a good, faithful member of the church and I know that it has been hard for her family to be without her.

I know of a young girl who lives close by who has been battling cancer and was just told that it has moved to her lungs and been given very little time to live. A friend of ours from Seattle recently finished his battle with cancer and passed on, leaving a young wife and daughter. My cousin is fighting leukemia (hang in there, Kent!)

I know that these are all good people who are certainly no less deserving of miracles than I. One thing I've realized though is that while I absolutely believe that my continued life is a miracle, it is not the real miracle. The real miracle is God's love for us. I know that we won't always have our prayers answered, at least not the way we might want them to be. But I also know that He loves us. I know it, because I have felt His presence with me. And although I am grateful to still be alive, I am even more grateful to know that He is really there and that He cares about me, my family, and all of us.