Sunday, March 30, 2014

Test anxiety

I hate tests. I didn't mind them so much when I was in school. I usually had a pretty good idea of how well I'd score based on how much preparation I'd put into it. And although you could say my future depended on how well I performed, that connection didn't feel very solid to me. But now the tests I take usually involve physical discomfort and with some of them the outcome could mean a poor prognosis for my future survival. Not something to look forward to.

On Thursday I was given a PET scan in Yakima. The results weren't what we'd hoped for, but I'm not sure yet what they'll mean. The short version is that the radiologists discovered an anomaly in my head and that my doctor is going to refer me to an ear/nose/throat specialist to see how best to get a tissue sample from the area and to see if it contains any cancer cells.

I'm not in panic mode. But after several months of slow improvement and good clean scans, it is not fun to be worrying.

If you've never experienced the pleasure of a PET scan, I'll give you the rundown. The day before, you need to watch your diet and exercise. Specifically, you are not supposed to exercise and you are not to eat any carbohydrates or sugars or indulge in anything that contains caffeine. This is to make sure that your blood sugar is low. The day of the scan, you'll need to be fasting, except for clear liquids. A nurse will give you an IV injection with a radioactive dye. Then you wait for an hour, sitting in an easy chair in a dark room while the contrast (radioactive dye) spreads throughout your body. I actually slept for 15 minutes or so. Then you're put in a tunnel-shaped scanner, told to lie as still as possible, and you are scanned for about 45 minutes.

The images that are generated are really neat. They are in 3D and you can rotate them and see your bones and organs. Certain organs and cells have a higher uptake (they take in more of the radioactive dye) and show up much brighter on the images. Your brain and kidneys will show up really bright. So will cancer cells, which makes a PET scan good for measuring cancer development.

According to Medline, abnormal PET scans can be caused by an infection. The article also states that a PET scan can show areas of poor blood flow. I do have a sinus infection and had taken a dose of nasal spray right before the test. Afrin constricts the blood vessels in your nasal passages, so Christina and I are hoping that this will explain the abnormalities in my scan results.

I'm grateful for my church. Once a month we have a special meeting where we don't have any assigned speakers for our sermon. Instead, any member of the congregation can stand up and share their feelings about God or how the gospel has helped them in their lives. I feel closer to my fellow travelers as I listen to their triumphs and struggles. I also feel closer to the Lord as I can see evidence of his love in our lives. I don't get up to share my own experiences more than once a year or so, but even when I'm not sharing, I'm thinking about what I would say if I were to get up. It's a good experience because it makes me more aware of the Lord and his influence in my life and take stock of where my faith is.

Anyway, in a weekend filled with some anxiety over my test results, today's meeting was very grounding for me. I'm ready to put this whole cancer experience behind me, but I realize that the Lord might not be through with me yet. I believe that he has a plan to make me into the man that I need to be. I've felt his love for me and my family. We've passed through setbacks before and can do it again, if necessary.

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