I hate tests. I didn't mind them so much when I was in school. I usually had a pretty good idea of how well I'd score based on how much preparation I'd put into it. And although you could say my future depended on how well I performed, that connection didn't feel very solid to me. But now the tests I take usually involve physical discomfort and with some of them the outcome could mean a poor prognosis for my future survival. Not something to look forward to.
On Thursday I was given a PET scan in Yakima. The results weren't what we'd hoped for, but I'm not sure yet what they'll mean. The short version is that the radiologists discovered an anomaly in my head and that my doctor is going to refer me to an ear/nose/throat specialist to see how best to get a tissue sample from the area and to see if it contains any cancer cells.
I'm not in panic mode. But after several months of slow improvement and good clean scans, it is not fun to be worrying.
If you've never experienced the pleasure of a PET scan, I'll give you the rundown. The day before, you need to watch your diet and exercise. Specifically, you are not supposed to exercise and you are not to eat any carbohydrates or sugars or indulge in anything that contains caffeine. This is to make sure that your blood sugar is low. The day of the scan, you'll need to be fasting, except for clear liquids. A nurse will give you an IV injection with a radioactive dye. Then you wait for an hour, sitting in an easy chair in a dark room while the contrast (radioactive dye) spreads throughout your body. I actually slept for 15 minutes or so. Then you're put in a tunnel-shaped scanner, told to lie as still as possible, and you are scanned for about 45 minutes.
The images that are generated are really neat. They are in 3D and you can rotate them and see your bones and organs. Certain organs and cells have a higher uptake (they take in more of the radioactive dye) and show up much brighter on the images. Your brain and kidneys will show up really bright. So will cancer cells, which makes a PET scan good for measuring cancer development.
According to Medline, abnormal PET scans can be caused by an infection. The article also states that a PET scan can show areas of poor blood flow. I do have a sinus infection and had taken a dose of nasal spray right before the test. Afrin constricts the blood vessels in your nasal passages, so Christina and I are hoping that this will explain the abnormalities in my scan results.
I'm grateful for my church. Once a month we have a special meeting where we don't have any assigned speakers for our sermon. Instead, any member of the congregation can stand up and share their feelings about God or how the gospel has helped them in their lives. I feel closer to my fellow travelers as I listen to their triumphs and struggles. I also feel closer to the Lord as I can see evidence of his love in our lives. I don't get up to share my own experiences more than once a year or so, but even when I'm not sharing, I'm thinking about what I would say if I were to get up. It's a good experience because it makes me more aware of the Lord and his influence in my life and take stock of where my faith is.
Anyway, in a weekend filled with some anxiety over my test results, today's meeting was very grounding for me. I'm ready to put this whole cancer experience behind me, but I realize that the Lord might not be through with me yet. I believe that he has a plan to make me into the man that I need to be. I've felt his love for me and my family. We've passed through setbacks before and can do it again, if necessary.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Under water
I'm thankful for the grounding that religion can give us in our lives. Last month I had the privilege of baptizing my eight-year-old son Derek. One of the things that makes my church special to me is that we have a lay priesthood. This means that instead of having one person at the head of the congregation who has the responsibility of teaching the gospel and performing the ordinances of baptism, laying on of hands, etc., we all share in these responsibilities.
Any male member of the church who conforms to our basic teachings is called to be a member of the priesthood, and yup, I'm included. In our church, eight years old is the minimum age for baptism. We figure that by then the kids are old enough to understand what they're doing and to remember it later. Derek is our fifth child to be baptized and our whole family was excited to be there. My parents and two siblings came down from Couer d'Alene and Spokane to be with us for the day. Christina's parents and five of her siblings were there with their families. Two of Derek's cousins were getting baptized in the same service. In fact, since it was just the three of them, it was pretty much a family affair.
Baptizing my son reminded me of my own baptism just 31 years ago. I remember the feeling of the warm water in the font. The feeling of my Dad being there with me, of his hands holding me while I dunked under the water. The feeling of the wet white jumpsuit clinging to my legs and making me feel heavier. And the feeling that I was moving on to a new stage in my life and participating in something good.
Baptism is a ceremony that dates at least back to the time of Jesus. As I baptized Derek I couldn't help but think that I was filling the role that John the Baptist played for the Savior, and that Derek was following Jesus into the water. There is something special about participating in such an ancient ordinance that gives it weight and significance in our lives.
After baptism, we put on our dry Sunday clothes and got ready for his confirmation. In the confirmation ceremony, a circle of priesthood holders (usually family members) place their hands on the head of the person to be confirmed. One member of the circle (often the father, me in this case) voices a prayer in which the recipient is confirmed a member of the church and commanded to receive the Holy Ghost, following this a blessing is given.
We give priesthood blessings to newborns, to our children, to fellow church members, or anybody who asks when they are facing an illness, a challenge, or any significant life event. The first few times I had the opportunity to give blessings I was really nervous. I try not to put a lot of thought into what I will say during the blessing. I'd like to think that my mind is open to the inspiration of heaven. Over the years I've become more comfortable with the process, but I still get a little nervous.
I wish that I'd written this closer to the event, I've forgotten pretty much all of the words of the blessing. But to me, the miracle is that when I clear my mind, I feel like words are given me to say. Words that I wouldn't have come up with on my own. And the words were accompanied by a feeling that what we were doing was right and good.
As I said at the beginning, I'm grateful to have faith in my life. I think it's something that comes easier to some than to others. There's been times when I've had struggles with belief. Many religious teachings can sometimes feel like wishful thinking or inadequate explanations. My faith is based in experiences like my son's baptism. Times in my life where I've felt closer to heaven, when my doubts recede and my faith is increased. I still have doubts sometimes, but they pale in the light of the experiences I've had. And I feel that when I have these moments of faith, my life is happier, my relationship with my wife and children is stronger and more meaningful, and I have a little bit better understanding of who God is and what He wants for me.
Any male member of the church who conforms to our basic teachings is called to be a member of the priesthood, and yup, I'm included. In our church, eight years old is the minimum age for baptism. We figure that by then the kids are old enough to understand what they're doing and to remember it later. Derek is our fifth child to be baptized and our whole family was excited to be there. My parents and two siblings came down from Couer d'Alene and Spokane to be with us for the day. Christina's parents and five of her siblings were there with their families. Two of Derek's cousins were getting baptized in the same service. In fact, since it was just the three of them, it was pretty much a family affair.
Baptizing my son reminded me of my own baptism just 31 years ago. I remember the feeling of the warm water in the font. The feeling of my Dad being there with me, of his hands holding me while I dunked under the water. The feeling of the wet white jumpsuit clinging to my legs and making me feel heavier. And the feeling that I was moving on to a new stage in my life and participating in something good.
Baptism is a ceremony that dates at least back to the time of Jesus. As I baptized Derek I couldn't help but think that I was filling the role that John the Baptist played for the Savior, and that Derek was following Jesus into the water. There is something special about participating in such an ancient ordinance that gives it weight and significance in our lives.
After baptism, we put on our dry Sunday clothes and got ready for his confirmation. In the confirmation ceremony, a circle of priesthood holders (usually family members) place their hands on the head of the person to be confirmed. One member of the circle (often the father, me in this case) voices a prayer in which the recipient is confirmed a member of the church and commanded to receive the Holy Ghost, following this a blessing is given.
We give priesthood blessings to newborns, to our children, to fellow church members, or anybody who asks when they are facing an illness, a challenge, or any significant life event. The first few times I had the opportunity to give blessings I was really nervous. I try not to put a lot of thought into what I will say during the blessing. I'd like to think that my mind is open to the inspiration of heaven. Over the years I've become more comfortable with the process, but I still get a little nervous.
I wish that I'd written this closer to the event, I've forgotten pretty much all of the words of the blessing. But to me, the miracle is that when I clear my mind, I feel like words are given me to say. Words that I wouldn't have come up with on my own. And the words were accompanied by a feeling that what we were doing was right and good.
As I said at the beginning, I'm grateful to have faith in my life. I think it's something that comes easier to some than to others. There's been times when I've had struggles with belief. Many religious teachings can sometimes feel like wishful thinking or inadequate explanations. My faith is based in experiences like my son's baptism. Times in my life where I've felt closer to heaven, when my doubts recede and my faith is increased. I still have doubts sometimes, but they pale in the light of the experiences I've had. And I feel that when I have these moments of faith, my life is happier, my relationship with my wife and children is stronger and more meaningful, and I have a little bit better understanding of who God is and what He wants for me.
| Derek McKay and his proud father, January 25, 2014 |
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