Politics is a load of hooey

It turns out that members of my church are not fans of President Obama, as evidenced by his 18% approval rating in our membership. The lowest approval rating for any faith organization. Which is fine, I guess. But what bothers me is the vitriol that I hear against him from my fellow members.

For a church that has experienced it's fair share of persecution based on hyperbole and half-truth, we sure seem ready to dish it out to others. There are three attitudes that I see on my side that really bother me.

FAILURE OF GOODWILL

John Gardner, the secretary of health, education, and welfare under Lyndon B. Johnson gave a good definition of political extremism:

"Political extremism involves two prime ingredients: An excessively simple diagnosis of the world’s ills and a conviction that there are identifiable villains back of it all... Blind belief in one’s cause and a low view of the morality of other Americans–these seem mild failings. But they are the soil in which ranker weeds take root... terrorism, and the deep, destructive cleavages that paralyze a society." (John Gardner, No Easy Victories)

From 2001 through 2008, I was really bothered by all of the obvious hatred that the left felt for GW Bush. To me it felt like they were right there with him leading up to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but then as soon as things began to go south, they turned on him. And not just by way of disagreement or principle. It seemed to me that some of them took an almost devilish pleasure in calling him a liar and pointing out each little fault or stumble. They considered him too stupid to write a speech on his own, yet clever enough to trick them all into supporting his adventures in the middle east.

After President Obama was elected, I hoped that the right would take a higher road. That if my side disagreed with him, it would be for good policy, not because of a visceral dislike for the man. Nope. One of the first anti-Obama books that I saw was "the Obama Nation" by Jerome Corsi. Nice little play on words there, right? Obama-nation, abomination. Subtle. It reminded me of when some second-grade bullies at school thought it would be funny to call me "Contami-Nathan." Ha ha, never got old.

I was surprised at how quickly the far right was able to foment a distrust in and a hatred for President Obama. Not for his policies, but for him as a person. It was just like what the far left did to President Bush during his tenure. And what the right did to Clinton during his and the left did to Reagan during his and... do you see a pattern, here?

I'm all for political debate and disagreement, but doesn't this feel reminiscent of the anti-mormon attacks on Joseph Smith? Digging and prodding for any unsavory details while ignoring any good that he might have accomplished?

DISMISSING OPPOSING VIEWS AS INVALID

My dad gave me a recording several years ago by Hugh B. Brown. In the beginning, he addresses his audience of graduating BYU students with some political advice. "First, I’d like you to be reassured that the leaders of both major political parties in this land are men of integrity, and unquestioned patriotism. Beware of those who feel obliged to prove their own patriotism by calling into question the loyalty of others... Strive to develop a maturity of mind and emotion and a depth of spirit which will enable you to differ with others on matters of politics without calling into question the integrity of those with whom you differ. Allow within the bounds of your definition of religious orthodoxy variation of political belief... I’ve found by long experience that our two-party system is sound." (Hugh B. Brown, Profile of a Prophet)

I went into the Masters in Communication program at Eastern Washington University as a defender of the conservative faith. I often engaged with my professors and classmates in political debate. I emerged from my studies with my conservatism intact. But I had also gained a respect for my friends on the left that I didn't have before. I realized that they actually had many good arguments for their positions and that if I didn't see any validity to my opponents' point of view, then it really meant that I didn't understand that point of view very well.

PROPAGANDA AND THE RAH-RAH RIGHT

Talk radio. I ate this stuff up when I was in my twenties. All of the hosts are funny. It felt great to feel like I was part of a movement. To feel that there were millions of like-minded folks all over the country that were "in the know."

But in my thirties, I began to have a change of heart. One quote that President Hinckley gave has stuck with me. "Our generation is afflicted with critics in the media who think they do a great and clever thing in mercilessly attacking men and women in public office and in other positions of leadership. They are prone to take a line or a paragraph out of context and pursue their prey like a swarm of killer bees." Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something

I began to notice that most of the stories weren't about promoting the politics of the right but about denigrating the members of the left.

I also began to see how self-serving it all was for the talk show hosts. "Hey, i just came out with a new book. Hey, I'm coming to speak in your town. Hey, the democrats are attacking me again, they want to shut us down. Hey, I just hired a new private security guard- I'm really putting my life on the line to get this to you." Just a constant siege mentality. Always talking about broadcasting from bunkers and threats from our government (I know it's a joke, but really). The point is, the shows may be about politics, they may be about advancing the conservative agenda (whatever that is nowadays), they may have their sincere moments, but at their heart they are about promoting and sensationalizing the host.

I mostly listen to NPR now. Not because I agree with the politics of their hosts, but because I much prefer their tone of discussion and willingness to at least pretend to look at both sides of an issue.

So that's it. I'm not trying to change anyone's politics, but can we please be nice to each other?

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles

I have a friend at church who I think of as the grandfather of our ward. I admire him for his faith and knowledge of the gospel. I look forward to seeing his smile every week as he greets me. Today he asked me for an update on my life. He told me that he knows that I have had more miracles to share. So here goes.

This is a topic that has weighed heavily on me. I am so grateful for what God has done for me and my family. For the comfort He gave us during our ordeal. For the many friends He placed in our lives to love and support us. And yet, to be honest, it's hard to rejoice when I see so many others suffering through challenges of their own, where the outcome doesn't look as good. My sister-in-laws's dad is fighting ALS, a disease with no cure. Our families were friends as I was growing up, and I've known him since I was eight or so, and I know that it has been hard on her and her siblings to watch their father slowly degenerate.

Another family who was close to mine lost their mother several years back to cancer. She was almost like an aunt to me. She was a good, faithful member of the church and I know that it has been hard for her family to be without her.

I know of a young girl who lives close by who has been battling cancer and was just told that it has moved to her lungs and been given very little time to live. A friend of ours from Seattle recently finished his battle with cancer and passed on, leaving a young wife and daughter. My cousin is fighting leukemia (hang in there, Kent!)

I know that these are all good people who are certainly no less deserving of miracles than I. One thing I've realized though is that while I absolutely believe that my continued life is a miracle, it is not the real miracle. The real miracle is God's love for us. I know that we won't always have our prayers answered, at least not the way we might want them to be. But I also know that He loves us. I know it, because I have felt His presence with me. And although I am grateful to still be alive, I am even more grateful to know that He is really there and that He cares about me, my family, and all of us.

The Grateful (not to be) Dead

I went to a car show with my eight year old boy Derek yesterday. We had a lot of fun walking around and picking out favorite cars together. It always amazes me to see the obvious care and time that some people have put into their classic cars. Being an air-cooled VW aficionado, I was excited to see an old camper bus on display. The back window had several stickers in it, but one caught my eye. It looked like an old Grateful Dead sticker, but instead it read "Grateful to not be dead." I can relate!

I've been having a thought run around my head lately. It has to do with the classic Bible story about the 10 lepers. It's the one that we usually here in church when there is a lesson or talk that has to do with gratitude. In the story, Jesus heals ten people of their leprosy. Excited, they all run off to tell their friends and families the good news. Only one returns to express gratitude to the Savior. The moral of the story is that only this one showed gratitude for the miracle that occurred in his life.

But now that I think about it, I imagine that all ten lepers went home and felt gratitude towards the Savior for healing them. I imagine that every day for the rest of their lives they thought about what had been done for them. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that all of the lepers probably felt gratitude in their hearts. I think that the real difference is that the one leper stopped to actually express that gratitude. He did something with it by going back to the Saviour and thanking him. He showed his gratitude by his actions.

It's really easy for me to identify with those nine lepers. The rawness of the ordeal we've been through has started to fade. And yet, not a day goes by that I don't think about it. And we are still feeling the aftershocks of it in our family. I am grateful in my heart for the miracle that I'm still here. But I want to show that gratitude through my actions. I hope that I can.

Filling our lamps with faith in Jesus

I don't know if I can say that I look forward to speaking in church, but I would much rather have been there today to give this talk that I had prepared than staying at home with stomach cramps. I am so grateful to have a wonderful wife who cheerfully offered to speak in my place so that I could stay home and rest. 

Filling our lamps with faith in Jesus

Brothers and sisters, I would like to talk to you this Easter morning about filling our lamps with faith in our Savior. In the parable of the ten virgins, Jesus likened the members of the church to people who had been invited to a wedding. All ten of the women in the story had brought lamps to keep watch for the bridegroom to come. But the bridegroom was delayed and the night grew late. Five of the women had brought enough oil to keep their lamps burning. The other five didn't have enough. As they went off to look for oil to buy, they missed the entrance of the bridegroom and were unable to attend the wedding celebration. Although these women started out with oil in their lamps, just like their sisters, when the time came that they really needed those lamps, they had gone out.

Elder Bednar retold this parable in conference two years ago and likened the lamps to personal testimony and the oil to conversion to the gospel.

A little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer, a blood cancer called lymphoma. It was an aggressive disease that had already spread through my lymph nodes, my spleen, and my bone marrow. It later spread to my spinal column.

I have received many blessings during this ordeal, both physical and spiritual. I can testify that God does not leave us alone in our times of need. From the day that I was diagnosed, I have often felt a blanket of comfort surrounding me and my family. We weren't prepared temporally for this trial, but I feel that in many ways we were prepared spiritually. When this trial appeared in our lives, we had oil in our lamps.

I've seen others go through difficult trials in their lives and I've seen that through our choices, these trials can either bring us closer to God or lead us away from Him. And it largely depends on how much oil we have in our lamps. Will we be ready when darkness comes into our lives? Will we have enough oil to light our way? Or light the way for our children and families?

Developing a personal relationship with Jesus

One way we can fill our lamps is to develop a personal relationship with our Savior. After the death of Jesus, Peter was called to lead the church. As the prophet, he wrote an epistle to the saints in Asia minor who were being persecuted. He speaks of the testimony that these saints had, notwithstanding that they hadn't been present to see the Savior. They hadn't witnessed His miracles or heard Him give a sermon.

Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:

Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:8-9)

These saints not only had faith in Christ, but had a love for him. This is a question I've asked myself many times. Do I love the Savior? I believe in Him, but how can we build a relationship with someone who we don't see, at least not very often :) How do I develop a love for him?

When I was about five years old, my grandfather passed away from colon cancer. My grandparents lived in Ogden Utah, and my family lived in the Tri-Cities. We saw each other once or twice a year. I don't remember what he looked like, but I do have a few memories of being with him before he passed away. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I felt a kinship to him. I wish we could have bonded through something else, maybe a love for woodworking or board games :) But I've been thinking a lot about my grandpa through my own experiences. I've asked my Dad to tell me more about him. I've seen pictures of him when he was younger. He reminds me of one of my brothers. I feel closer to him because I've made an effort to learn more about him and I've felt an empathy for him as I've had to go through some of the things he had to face in his life. Although I barely remember him, I love him.

I think that building a relationship with Jesus requires this same effort, and although we may not see him or hear his voice aloud, we can have a loving relationship with him.

Jesus told his disciples in the gospel of John (14:10), “if ye love me, keep my commandments.” I believe that this adage can be reversed. In other words, if we keep the commandments, we will learn to love the Savior. How? Because when we are obedient, we will be blessed. And when we are blessed, we will feel closer to our Heavenly Father and to his Son.

I've seen this many times in my life. I'm not a perfect home teacher. But I've noticed that when I go, and put effort into preparing a lesson and praying for the families in my care, I invariably feel the spirit after the visit. And one of the fruits of the spirit is love. And I feel more love for the savior when I feel that I'm doing what He would have me do.

One of my favorite movies is “Fiddler on the Roof.” I know, it's a musical. It has people singing and dancing. It has not one but four love stories. There isn't a single car chase or a fight scene or an explosion. But it is such a powerful movie.

The main character is a father named Tevya. The main conflicts in his movie stem from his desire to maintain tradition and faith even while his whole world changes around him. Does that sound familiar? Think about how much our world is changing around us, every day. I really like that throughout the film, Tevya talks through his problems with God. He talks to him as a real person, who really cares about the details of his life. Just like we might talk to our dads.

Heavenly Father is an awesomely powerful being who deserves our reverence and respect. But he is also our literal father who loves us and cares for us. I remember as a teenager, I heard a talk in church that made an impression on me. The speaker taught us the importance of using proper prayer language, using the words thee and thou to show respect for our Heavenly Father. When I served a Spanish-speaking mission, I was surprised to learn that in prayer it was considered proper to use the tu form to address Heavenly Father. The tu form is how you would address family members or friends with whom you are well acquainted. Usted is the form that you would use for someone to whom you want to show respect. As missionaries, we were instructed to use the usted form with everyone as a gesture of respect and to refrain from appearing too familiar with others. And yet, when we prayed, we were taught to use the tu form. It almost seemed a reversal of our practice of using thee and thou in the United States. But it made me realize again that God is our father in heaven, that we should be familiar with him.

In another mission experience, we were having our weekly district meeting. One of the sisters gave the opening prayer and began with an enthusiastic, “buenos dias, padre” or “good morning, father.” A few of us elders gave a little laugh at her nontraditional opening, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that it was appropriate. I think sometimes we lean too far towards treating our God like a visiting dignitary with a lot of propriety and maybe a little bit of pomp when maybe it would be to our benefit to treat him like our father.

Intellectual understanding vs. spiritual understanding of the Atonement

According to Wikipedia, there are 7 billion people on earth today. In 1900, the population was estimated at 1 billion. Demographers estimate 100 billion humans have lived on the earth.

Val Johnson wrote an article last year for the Ensign in which he stated, “The number of planets in our galaxy alone could easily be in the hundreds of billions. Considering that there are hundreds of billions of galaxies in the visible universe, the number of planets is so large as to be incomprehensible—truly worlds without number (see Moses 1:33–35)”. R. Val Johnson, Worlds without Number, Ensign 2013

We are taught in the scriptures that the atonement is an infinite atonement, and covers all of God's creations. In one of our Sunday School manuals, the Doctrines of the Gospel, we find the statement: “The infinite Atonement affects worlds without number and will save all of God’s children except sons of perdition.”

We know that God's children are as numberless as the sands of the sea. I mention this because these numbers are incomprehensible. And the idea that the death of one man could atone for the wrongs of everybody who ever lived, everybody who ever will live, and even those who may have lived on countless other worlds is difficult to comprehend. It is hard to understand how it would work on an intellectual level.

And not only that, but we believe that Jesus not only suffered for our sins, but that he suffered our pains and sorrows in the garden of Gethsemane so that “he [might] know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” (Alma 7:12)

The atonement isn't something that we can understand by reading about it. Or by studying it out in our minds. The atonement is an event that we can only understand spiritually through our own experience with it.

Called to witness

On my way home from church last week, I had just been asked to speak today. I thought to myself, I don't feel qualified to speak about the atonement. It is such a big subject, the central subject of the gospel. I'm not a scriptorian. I'm not a spiritual giant. I'm just a regular member of the church who struggles to get his kids ready for church on time, do his home teaching, and read the scriptures as often as I know I should.

But then I started thinking about what really would qualify someone to speak about the atonement. And I realized that there is a much better qualification than knowledge of the atonement, and that is experience with the atonement. And I have experienced the power of the atonement in my life.

I've said this before, but I have a new-found love for the word remission. Every time I go through any test or experience that shows that I am now cancer free, my heart is light and I get a big smile on my face. This is a huge miracle in my life! But someday, I'm still going to die. At least, statistically, that is what happens to the majority of us humans. And I hope that it is many, many years from now.

But there is another meaning of the word remission, and it refers to the cleansing of sins. The Savior testified that He had that power, the power to forgive sins. Most of the people didn't believe Him. It didn't fit in with what they already believed about the world. But he does have that power. I know because I have felt it in my life. And as good as it feels to be in remission from cancer, I know that the real miracle in my life, in all of our lives, is the remission of our sins.

I know that you have felt that power as well. That is why we are here today, to celebrate our Savior and His atonement for us.

The word “gospel” is translated from Greek. Most of you probably already know that it means “good news.” What an understatement! Good news is when you take your car to the mechanic and instead of needing an engine replacement, he tells you that one of your switches is dead. Good news is when you find out your teacher will give you an opportunity for extra credit on your final exam.

The atonement is much more than that! It gives meaning to our lives. It tells us that any suffering that we go through is not in vain, but to our benefit. It teaches us that we are not alone, no matter how dark our lives might be at times, we have a savior who knows us, who loves us, who suffers beside us and will ultimately triumph with us.

I've really enjoyed seeing my friends share their thoughts on the atonement on Facebook and other social media sites. I think that the church’s' Because of Him campaign is a great way to share our feelings with the world during this Easter season.

When we seek out gospel experiences and share them with others, we are filling our lamps with oil. In the parable of the ten virgins, the five who are prepared are not able to share their light with those who are unprepared. And it is true that in the moment of necessity, we won't be able to just give our faith to another. But through sharing our experiences now, we can help others to fill their lamps and build their reserves.

Mary Cook said in a recent conference talk, “decide now to do all you can to fill your lamps, that your strong testimony and example may be woven into the lives of many generations—past, present and future. I testify that your virtuous life will not only save generations, but it will also save your eternal life, for it is the only way to return to our Father in Heaven and find true joy now and throughout eternity.” When you save a girl, you save generations, April 2013 conference

I know that as we fill our lamps with faith in our Lord, we will be prepared when times of darkness and trial inevitably come to our lives. And moreover, when we share our light with others, we can help strengthen them as well. I am grateful for our Savior and for His atonement on our behalf. I hope that we can all remember him and experience His love more fully in our lives.

In Jesus' name, amen.

Test anxiety

I hate tests. I didn't mind them so much when I was in school. I usually had a pretty good idea of how well I'd score based on how much preparation I'd put into it. And although you could say my future depended on how well I performed, that connection didn't feel very solid to me. But now the tests I take usually involve physical discomfort and with some of them the outcome could mean a poor prognosis for my future survival. Not something to look forward to.

On Thursday I was given a PET scan in Yakima. The results weren't what we'd hoped for, but I'm not sure yet what they'll mean. The short version is that the radiologists discovered an anomaly in my head and that my doctor is going to refer me to an ear/nose/throat specialist to see how best to get a tissue sample from the area and to see if it contains any cancer cells.

I'm not in panic mode. But after several months of slow improvement and good clean scans, it is not fun to be worrying.

If you've never experienced the pleasure of a PET scan, I'll give you the rundown. The day before, you need to watch your diet and exercise. Specifically, you are not supposed to exercise and you are not to eat any carbohydrates or sugars or indulge in anything that contains caffeine. This is to make sure that your blood sugar is low. The day of the scan, you'll need to be fasting, except for clear liquids. A nurse will give you an IV injection with a radioactive dye. Then you wait for an hour, sitting in an easy chair in a dark room while the contrast (radioactive dye) spreads throughout your body. I actually slept for 15 minutes or so. Then you're put in a tunnel-shaped scanner, told to lie as still as possible, and you are scanned for about 45 minutes.

The images that are generated are really neat. They are in 3D and you can rotate them and see your bones and organs. Certain organs and cells have a higher uptake (they take in more of the radioactive dye) and show up much brighter on the images. Your brain and kidneys will show up really bright. So will cancer cells, which makes a PET scan good for measuring cancer development.

According to Medline, abnormal PET scans can be caused by an infection. The article also states that a PET scan can show areas of poor blood flow. I do have a sinus infection and had taken a dose of nasal spray right before the test. Afrin constricts the blood vessels in your nasal passages, so Christina and I are hoping that this will explain the abnormalities in my scan results.

I'm grateful for my church. Once a month we have a special meeting where we don't have any assigned speakers for our sermon. Instead, any member of the congregation can stand up and share their feelings about God or how the gospel has helped them in their lives. I feel closer to my fellow travelers as I listen to their triumphs and struggles. I also feel closer to the Lord as I can see evidence of his love in our lives. I don't get up to share my own experiences more than once a year or so, but even when I'm not sharing, I'm thinking about what I would say if I were to get up. It's a good experience because it makes me more aware of the Lord and his influence in my life and take stock of where my faith is.

Anyway, in a weekend filled with some anxiety over my test results, today's meeting was very grounding for me. I'm ready to put this whole cancer experience behind me, but I realize that the Lord might not be through with me yet. I believe that he has a plan to make me into the man that I need to be. I've felt his love for me and my family. We've passed through setbacks before and can do it again, if necessary.

Under water

I'm thankful for the grounding that religion can give us in our lives. Last month I had the privilege of baptizing my eight-year-old son Derek. One of the things that makes my church special to me is that we have a lay priesthood. This means that instead of having one person at the head of the congregation who has the responsibility of teaching the gospel and performing the ordinances of baptism, laying on of hands, etc., we all share in these responsibilities.

Any male member of the church who conforms to our basic teachings is called to be a member of the priesthood, and yup, I'm included. In our church, eight years old is the minimum age for baptism. We figure that by then the kids are old enough to understand what they're doing and to remember it later. Derek is our fifth child to be baptized and our whole family was excited to be there. My parents and two siblings came down from Couer d'Alene and Spokane to be with us for the day. Christina's parents and five of her siblings were there with their families. Two of Derek's cousins were getting baptized in the same service. In fact, since it was just the three of them, it was pretty much a family affair.

Baptizing my son reminded me of my own baptism just 31 years ago. I remember the feeling of the warm water in the font. The feeling of my Dad being there with me, of his hands holding me while I dunked under the water. The feeling of the wet white jumpsuit clinging to my legs and making me feel heavier. And the feeling that I was moving on to a new stage in my life and participating in something good.

Baptism is a ceremony that dates at least back to the time of Jesus. As I baptized Derek I couldn't help but think that I was filling the role that John the Baptist played for the Savior, and that Derek was following Jesus into the water. There is something special about participating in such an ancient ordinance that gives it weight and significance in our lives.

After baptism, we put on our dry Sunday clothes and got ready for his confirmation. In the confirmation ceremony, a circle of priesthood holders (usually family members) place their hands on the head of the person to be confirmed. One member of the circle (often the father, me in this case) voices a prayer in which the recipient is confirmed a member of the church and commanded to receive the Holy Ghost, following this a blessing is given.

We give priesthood blessings to newborns, to our children, to fellow church members, or anybody who asks when they are facing an illness, a challenge, or any significant life event. The first few times I had the opportunity to give blessings I was really nervous. I try not to put a lot of thought into what I will say during the blessing. I'd like to think that my mind is open to the inspiration of heaven. Over the years I've become more comfortable with the process, but I still get a little nervous.

I wish that I'd written this closer to the event, I've forgotten pretty much all of the words of the blessing. But to me, the miracle is that when I clear my mind, I feel like words are given me to say. Words that I wouldn't have come up with on my own. And the words were accompanied by a feeling that what we were doing was right and good.

As I said at the beginning, I'm grateful to have faith in my life. I think it's something that comes easier to some than to others. There's been times when I've had struggles with belief. Many religious teachings can sometimes feel like wishful thinking or inadequate explanations. My faith is based in experiences like my son's baptism. Times in my life where I've felt closer to heaven, when my doubts recede and my faith is increased. I still have doubts sometimes, but they pale in the light of the experiences I've had. And I feel that when I have these moments of faith, my life is happier, my relationship with my wife and children is stronger and more meaningful, and I have a little bit better understanding of who God is and what He wants for me.

Derek McKay and his proud father, January 25, 2014

About the world we live in, and life in general

Gee, but it’s great to be back home 
Home is where I want to be
I’ve been on the road so long, my friend 
And if you came along I know you couldn’t disagree

A little Simon & Garfunkel to start out my post. It really is great to be back home! I just realized that I haven't written since early December. A lot has happened since then. The fourth of this month was the one year anniversary of my lymphoma diagnosis. We didn't do anything to celebrate.

We had a wonderful Christmas! We had carolers come to our home the night we returned. Our front yard was full of friends and family. It was a great way to be welcomed home. We spent the week just loving each other and being grateful for our blessings. Our time went by quickly and Christina, Norah, Peter and I went back up to Seattle for my final appointments with the staff there. We came home for good on Dec. 31.

As eager as we were to come home, it was almost hard to leave Seattle. We felt safe there with the nurses and doctors at the SCCA. We had been through some hard times and some good times there and developed a great relationship with them. In September after we had received the bad news that I still had cancer cells in my spinal fluid and that the transplant had little chance of clearing them out, our long-term nurse Cindy stayed behind in our room to give us a hug and tell us that whether my chances were 1% or 5% I still had a chance and that I could survive this. That made a difference to us. I still get choked up when I think about that day.

Christina and I were able to spend a lot of time together. More time alone than we've had since we were engaged to be married. Well, we did have Peter, but after having 8 kids, we felt as if we were alone. I think that some couples go through adversity and it tears them apart. I'm grateful to report that for us, going through this experience pulled us together. When we first discovered that I'd be going to Seattle for a transplant, I insisted that Christina stay at home with our children. She insisted that her place was with me and that the kids would be alright at home with her Mom and my Mom there to care for them. I know that it has required a lot of sacrifice from our mothers and that it has sometimes been hard for our kids, but I also know that staying together as a couple was the right decision for us. I don't think I could have gone through this emotionally, physically, or spiritually without my sweetheart at my side. I treasure the relationship we've built.

Now we're back in the real world. One of the things I like best is being around healthy people. It's hard to see people suffering through cancer treatments, even though so many of them have great attitudes and real insight to share. One lady and her husband were going home after a failed transplant. She knew that her husband only had weeks left in his life. When she found out that we were about to leave the UW medical center and would need an apartment, she offered to give us hers, where the rent was already paid for the rest of the month. I was surprised that she would make such a generous offer to us when we were almost strangers to her and she was surely distracted by her own grief. People can be so good to each other, even under the poorest of circumstances. Sadly, her husband passed away in early December.

We made friends with a couple from Spokane, Leland and Rebekah. Lee had had a transplant a year before, but his leukemia had returned about 9 months later. After going through treatments from a new experimental study, when we met his cancer appeared to be in remission. We had dinner with them the last week of December and Lee looked healthier than I was. We found out in early January that his cancer had returned. He and Bekah returned to Spokane with their little daughter. Lee passed away about a week and a half ago. Sometimes I feel like I'm experiencing some PTSD from my experiences. Cancer is horrible. I don't know why some people are able to survive it and others can't. But I'm glad that I'm still here and I plan on sticking around.

I'm seeing a new doctor, Thomas Boyd in Yakima. We wanted a lymphoma specialist who was used to working with the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and their long-term follow-up department recommended him. He has a great office, it reminds me of a ski lodge! Here is their lobby:



I'm seeing Dr. Boyd once a week. I'm also taking a fitness class at the Tri-City Court Club that is designed especially for cancer patients. I'm starting to feel a little bit like my old self. I'm hoping to start back to work, at least part-time this spring. In the meantime, I'm sleeping a lot and spending time with Eliza and Norah while their siblings are in school.

Life is precious, good and worth giving our best to!