I remember Jared

My son refused to go to Scouts tonight. He just got braces today and is worried about getting teased by the other boys. I let him stay home.

Shortly after Christina and I were married I was called to be a Sunday School teacher. I was excited to have my younger 13-year old brother Brian in my class. His best friend was a boy named Jared. They had a lot in common. A similar sense of humor. Lots of energy. Active imaginations. And neither quite fit in with the other kids. Brian was a late bloomer. He didn't learn to read as early as his peers. He mumbled when he spoke and had a hard time pronouncing some letters. In some ways, Jared was the opposite of Brian, the yin to his yang. Jared was hyper and excitable. I remember once when he was 7 or 8 he came up to me in the church hallway and kicked me in the shin. Not out of malice but an awkward attempt to say hi. Both of the boys were teased a lot.

Jared wasn't fitting in well at school. He was getting into fights with the boys who teased him. The school authorities were placing the blame on him. One day he called his Dad to tell him goodbye. He shot himself moments later. His Dad arrived too late to do anything. Even 15 or so years later, this is the saddest day of my life. I can only imagine how much worse it was for his family.

I don't think Jared knew how much he would be missed. I don't think he would have taken his life if he could see how much pain it would cause to others. But that day he was only thinking of his own pain. Why are we cruel to one another?

Michael is getting tired of being teased for knowing the names of all of the Pokemon characters and none of the football players. He's tired of being called gay because he finally has a friend at church who can relate to him. He's tired of being laughed at and always feeling on the defensive. He's tired of being spoken down to by his peers every time he makes a mistake.

Church should be a place of refuge. A place where we are truly brothers and sisters. I know it's human nature to point at people who are different than ourselves. I know that 12-year old boys learn a lot as they grow up. I know the boys who are teasing Michael aren't doing it out of any true malice. I know that many of the boys are just on the sidelines. I've taught most of them, spent time with them, gone on campouts with them. I love them, but I hate to see what they are doing. I know where it can lead.