My thoughts on the Life of Pi (spoiler alert!). Not a review, but my thoughts on the themes of the movie. Feel free to chime in!
It is a beautiful movie- the cinematography is excellent, the visuals are engaging. It has an interesting story and explores themes that matter. This is the type of movie I really enjoy, one that leaves me thinking for a few days after seeing it.
The movie presents you with a series of unlikely events that Pi experiences as he survives a shipwreck in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and then months drifting at sea with a tiger for company. Afterwards, Pi presents an alternative narrative to the events of the film. One that is much less magical. The second narrative is easier to believe, but not very satisfying, The audience is then presented with the choice of which story to believe.
My family feels that the film ends with the first (more fantastical version) of the story as the "truth", but I didn't feel that way. I think that the characters in the film all chose to believe the first version, leaving the audience with the impression that it must have been the "true" version of the events. They chose to believe the first version because it was more magical, heroic, and satisfying.
And here is where the ideas of the movie have stuck with me. We are introduced to Pi's story as a story that will "make you believe in God." This could mean that watching Pi go through near-magical events that lead not only to his survival, but also to his strengthened faith in the divine, will strengthen our faith as well. But I see a different message in the film. Pi went through a horrific event, watching his family perish at sea and then surviving alone (or perhaps with a tiger) for months afterward. But then he was able to assemble a version of the events that was beautiful and gave meaning to life.
Just as we have to endure traumatic events but are free to choose to believe in a version of the universe in which there is a loving father watching over us, where our lives have meaning beyond the day-to-day activities, and where our deaths are not permanent, but only a chapter in the book of our life.
A few months ago, this message would have resonated with me. And I still feel that it is a positive message. But it's also a bit cynical. It is a message that faith is really not much more than a choice we make and that it doesn't really matter if belief in the divine is a belief in something "true." If it gives richness and meaning to our lives, then it is positive whether it's "true" or not.
I felt this way before I had lymphoma. I believe that in many ways, God gives us enough light to see our next step in the darkness, but not much more than that. Maybe life has to be that way. Without doubt, how can we have faith? But sometimes our doubts can feel stronger than our faith. And it can feel like faith in God is not much different than faith in Santa Claus. That faith is a story we tell ourselves to make life bearable when it is hard to bear.
But that hasn't been my experience the last few months. When Christina and I found out that I had cancer, we both immediately felt a blanket of comfort surrounding us. It wasn't something I had to look for. It wasn't something that I had to talk myself into because I was terrified of the trial which had suddenly come into our lives. I feel that this feeling is completely outside of me and that it is my Heavenly Father telling me that things will be all right. I think that means that I'll live through this trial, but even if I don't, I know that He is watching out for my family. My point is that I've been given I've been given more light than I'm accustomed to and it wasn't because I made an arbitrary choice to believe.
I've seen this happen to other people as well. I've seen people bear testimony after a family member had died that they felt at peace and felt comfort from the Holy Spirit that their loved one was still alive (spiritually, of course). And I wondered if they really felt that way, or if they were choosing to believe that because the alternative was just too awful to bear. And now I know- that peace is real and we really can have the knowledge that our families can be together again.
And there will be pie!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Second thoughts
I'm beginning to have second thoughts about having lymphoma. Now that I'm a few months into it, the magic is starting to wear off. Sure, the extra attention is nice, and people are truly amazing. But I'd have to say I'm ready to return to the ranks of the cancer free.
The last two weeks have been worrisome. We've been waiting to find out when we'll be traveling up to the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for my stem cell treatments. Christina called and talked to Dr. Maloney, the specialist who will be performing the transplant. He looked at the PET scan I'd had the week before and told Christina we're behind schedule in putting the cancer into remission and that we should be more aggressive with it.
We've been worried about our local doctor ever since we've begun treatment. He is from India, graduated from medical school before I was born, and is not a very talkative person. On the other hand, Dr. Patel is very grandfatherly, has a very positive attitude, and takes time to answer all of our questions. We just aren't always sure we're asking the right ones. He also seems to be forgetful at times.
So, we called Columbia Basin Oncology and Hematology and asked if we could see another doctor. We were ready to switch. We saw Doctor Gamboa on Wednesday. He is a year younger than me and communicates very well. He seemed very open. He also told us that Dr. Patel is the lymphoma expert in their clinic and the one that he would defer to in treating this disease. He also let us know that he agrees with Dr. Patel's approach in treating my case. He pointed out that the symptoms are improving. They can't manually feel my lymph nodes or my spleen anymore, so we know that they are getting back to their normal size. My other symptoms have improved. Also, we didn't start out with a PET scan, so we don't really have an original to compare the last one against. Dr. Gamboa recommended that we continue with my current regimen, especially since I only have one more round to go. Then we'll take another PET scan and evaluate. If the cancer is in remission, I'll be able to go up to Seattle and start the stem cell transplants. If not, they will put me on a more aggressive chemotherapy regimen.
Dr. Patel also spoke with Dr. Maloney and it sounds like they are on the same page. So Christina and I are feeling more confident again. And I just made it through my fifth round of chemo with flying colors. The lumbar puncture wasn't too bad, although it did take a few prods of the needle through my spinal cord to find my spinal fluid. And I had to go in for a blood transfusion on Friday to boost my red blood cell counts. But other than that, not too bad. I had a few nice naps.
The last two weeks have been worrisome. We've been waiting to find out when we'll be traveling up to the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for my stem cell treatments. Christina called and talked to Dr. Maloney, the specialist who will be performing the transplant. He looked at the PET scan I'd had the week before and told Christina we're behind schedule in putting the cancer into remission and that we should be more aggressive with it.
We've been worried about our local doctor ever since we've begun treatment. He is from India, graduated from medical school before I was born, and is not a very talkative person. On the other hand, Dr. Patel is very grandfatherly, has a very positive attitude, and takes time to answer all of our questions. We just aren't always sure we're asking the right ones. He also seems to be forgetful at times.
So, we called Columbia Basin Oncology and Hematology and asked if we could see another doctor. We were ready to switch. We saw Doctor Gamboa on Wednesday. He is a year younger than me and communicates very well. He seemed very open. He also told us that Dr. Patel is the lymphoma expert in their clinic and the one that he would defer to in treating this disease. He also let us know that he agrees with Dr. Patel's approach in treating my case. He pointed out that the symptoms are improving. They can't manually feel my lymph nodes or my spleen anymore, so we know that they are getting back to their normal size. My other symptoms have improved. Also, we didn't start out with a PET scan, so we don't really have an original to compare the last one against. Dr. Gamboa recommended that we continue with my current regimen, especially since I only have one more round to go. Then we'll take another PET scan and evaluate. If the cancer is in remission, I'll be able to go up to Seattle and start the stem cell transplants. If not, they will put me on a more aggressive chemotherapy regimen.
Dr. Patel also spoke with Dr. Maloney and it sounds like they are on the same page. So Christina and I are feeling more confident again. And I just made it through my fifth round of chemo with flying colors. The lumbar puncture wasn't too bad, although it did take a few prods of the needle through my spinal cord to find my spinal fluid. And I had to go in for a blood transfusion on Friday to boost my red blood cell counts. But other than that, not too bad. I had a few nice naps.
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